On the bus again today, it was very late but there was no traffic so I was still on time for work.
I discover that I am sharing my life with a criminal. L informs me that she has been shopping in M&S on her boss's credit card. , She didn't actually go as far as forging his signature because the card wasn't signed. Isn't that alone illegal? Instead he had given her his pin code. Luckily the shop assistant appeared to be a bit dim, certainly too dim to rumble her. She tried to charge her £175 for 6 x £60 gift vouchers. I'm sure even Daughter, who's not known for her mathematical prowess, would have got closer than that.
L says she had a speech worked out in her head ready for the Police. Perhaps tonight I'll put her in handcuffs and find out just what she was going to say to the police. Personally if I was the arresting police officer I would let her use whatever bribery and corruption she thought was appropriate.
L seems to think that her possession of a D cup chest would have been enough to convince me. Admittedly that would have been a good start but I would have held out for more.
Pub lunch Cottage pie and Cottage Xmas Ale 4.5%. Very nice.
Our friends the gypsies are currently camped out at JJB Soccerdome, just down the road. I don't think they're actually on the football pitches, at least not yet. Apparently a court order has been served to evict them from tomorrow evening so to prevent a repeat of last week's incident they are putting a fence across the road to seal off our offices from Friday afternoon until Tuesday morning. Wonder where they'll surface next, keep a close eye on your back garden.
Apparently I'm on a promise for rampant sex tonight. Hope L's cold has cleared up; don't want her to suffocate while she's dishing out her bribery and corruption! All I've got to do is survive squash and the Victoria first.
I do survive squash, just. I go down 6-1, winning only the second game. Newby Wyke ale 3/9% in the pub afterwards and then a not very nice Bateman's 5% ale at home. That's a shame because we have a crate of 12 to get through.
Showing posts with label rampant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rampant. Show all posts
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Brazilian
Before I go to work I give L a quick 'mock' Brazilian with my razor. This is at her request, so that she can look more the part in her new 'intimidating' swimsuits. My efforts hardly produce the pruned, sculpted runway of a true Brazilian but it's not a bad effort.
In the car again but the journey in is not too bad. Apparently they’ve put a new set of traffic lights in the centre of Derby and all the traffic is gridlocked around there, which makes my journey easier. Council say the delay on the lights is set at 23 seconds; people ringing into local radio have timed it at 7 seconds. Whoops. Everyone else at work who had to come from that way were seething when they got in, late obviously.
L spent yesterday criticising Doggo for too much weeing and sniffing when they were on their morning run but today she emails to tell me she waded through the wet grass especially so he could have a sniff. She loves him really. Then she put chicken on top of his munchies to ensure he ate before she left for work. I rest my case, they are the best of friends; bosom buddies.
Perhaps in her defence I should explain that our dog has an eating disorder, in that most of the time he really can't be bothered to eat. Often he'll ignore his breakfast and just leave it. Then when you get home he'll make a big point of eating it in front of you. As if to say 'I was so worried and lonely while you were out at work, I almost starved to death'. He's such a dramatist!
Nipped into town in my lunch hour. Nip not being quite the right word as, with our new office being in a new 'development' on the edge of town, the town centre is no longer nippable. I'm looking at base layers for under my cycling jacket, preferably a long sleeve one. There are loads in the sale. There is a really good one which would also be ideal for cycling in the summer but its lime green! Not sure that's my colour. I’d certainly be visible in it!
L's bought me another mango, a bargain one, the shop assistant thought it was an avocado and rang it through the till for 30p cheaper. Durrrrrrr!
I check out the benefits of Brazilians on the internet, allegedly from a female point of view.
http://www.ivillage.co.uk/beauty/bodybasics/remove/articles/0,,548157_643583,00.html
Apparently after a full Brazilian, women feel sexier, physically cleaner, but mentally dirtier. Hmmm. They suddenly feel inclined to strut about the bedroom demanding all sorts of sexual acts from their partner which previously they would have been embarrassed to ask for. Hmmm. At every opportunity, they want to expose themselves and volunteer themselves for detailed gynaecological inspection from their boyfriends. Hmmm. They look neater, feel cleaner, and are more sexually rampant. Hmmm, just adding wax to my shopping list.
In the evening I go to watch Derby. Where I expect Billy Davies’s defensive formation to grind out another joyless 1-0 win. Luckily because of this engagement I will oblivious to most of the expected carnage in the fantasy league until it is all over. Although I'm sure I will receive unwanted half time and full time updates via test message if things are going badly.
In the end watching Derby is a pleasure. For the first time this season they put on a decent footballing performance. First time with me watching anyhow. Despite that they have a goal disallowed, then concede a soft goal and go in one down at half time, so much for good football. No texts, so things must be going ok. The second half they don't play as well, so naturally they soon equalise. They score the winner in injury time. I hate to say this but we are having so much luck you'd say our name was on the cup (or whatever you get for winning the league). Still no texts.
Go for a couple of pints with my folks afterwards, Bass regrettably. Again the guest ales are not on, the landlady tells me she also regrets the fact they haven't got any on at the moment because she is a fan of them too. So stop pouting at the customers love and get some sorted!
In the car again but the journey in is not too bad. Apparently they’ve put a new set of traffic lights in the centre of Derby and all the traffic is gridlocked around there, which makes my journey easier. Council say the delay on the lights is set at 23 seconds; people ringing into local radio have timed it at 7 seconds. Whoops. Everyone else at work who had to come from that way were seething when they got in, late obviously.
L spent yesterday criticising Doggo for too much weeing and sniffing when they were on their morning run but today she emails to tell me she waded through the wet grass especially so he could have a sniff. She loves him really. Then she put chicken on top of his munchies to ensure he ate before she left for work. I rest my case, they are the best of friends; bosom buddies.
Perhaps in her defence I should explain that our dog has an eating disorder, in that most of the time he really can't be bothered to eat. Often he'll ignore his breakfast and just leave it. Then when you get home he'll make a big point of eating it in front of you. As if to say 'I was so worried and lonely while you were out at work, I almost starved to death'. He's such a dramatist!
Nipped into town in my lunch hour. Nip not being quite the right word as, with our new office being in a new 'development' on the edge of town, the town centre is no longer nippable. I'm looking at base layers for under my cycling jacket, preferably a long sleeve one. There are loads in the sale. There is a really good one which would also be ideal for cycling in the summer but its lime green! Not sure that's my colour. I’d certainly be visible in it!
L's bought me another mango, a bargain one, the shop assistant thought it was an avocado and rang it through the till for 30p cheaper. Durrrrrrr!
I check out the benefits of Brazilians on the internet, allegedly from a female point of view.
http://www.ivillage.co.uk/beauty/bodybasics/remove/articles/0,,548157_643583,00.html
Apparently after a full Brazilian, women feel sexier, physically cleaner, but mentally dirtier. Hmmm. They suddenly feel inclined to strut about the bedroom demanding all sorts of sexual acts from their partner which previously they would have been embarrassed to ask for. Hmmm. At every opportunity, they want to expose themselves and volunteer themselves for detailed gynaecological inspection from their boyfriends. Hmmm. They look neater, feel cleaner, and are more sexually rampant. Hmmm, just adding wax to my shopping list.
In the evening I go to watch Derby. Where I expect Billy Davies’s defensive formation to grind out another joyless 1-0 win. Luckily because of this engagement I will oblivious to most of the expected carnage in the fantasy league until it is all over. Although I'm sure I will receive unwanted half time and full time updates via test message if things are going badly.
In the end watching Derby is a pleasure. For the first time this season they put on a decent footballing performance. First time with me watching anyhow. Despite that they have a goal disallowed, then concede a soft goal and go in one down at half time, so much for good football. No texts, so things must be going ok. The second half they don't play as well, so naturally they soon equalise. They score the winner in injury time. I hate to say this but we are having so much luck you'd say our name was on the cup (or whatever you get for winning the league). Still no texts.
Go for a couple of pints with my folks afterwards, Bass regrettably. Again the guest ales are not on, the landlady tells me she also regrets the fact they haven't got any on at the moment because she is a fan of them too. So stop pouting at the customers love and get some sorted!
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