The Most Romantic Film Ever

Brief lie in, quick sex, then a run with L and Doggo, around 3.5 miles in 40 dog minutes.

We go off to pick up the bird for Xmas Day for our local farm shop and then nip to Sainsbury's because we haven't got enough plates to feed six people off. Amazingly for Xmas Eve we get served straight away.

I make two pates. One chicken liver and brandy, the other Port and Stilton. Not good for the alcohol units. I also make my stuffing and the 'pigs in blankets' ready for Xmas Day. Then we start on the eggnog. Also not good for the alcohol units!

We walk Doggo down to our local, which is uncharacteristically full, so we walk back. Daughter has taken possession of the lounge and the TV as usual, so we borrow her TV and DVD player and retire to our bedroom to watch a DVD of one of the most 'romantic' films ever made, Dangerous Liaisons, which surprisingly L has never seen. It is one of my all time favourite films, such a good and magnificently evil plot. John Malkovich is so demoniacally good in it.

We snuggled up romantically with three bottles of Pelforth each and Doggo and immersed ourselves in the power games, the deceit, the malice, the desire, the control, the power, the lust, and a naked teenage Uma Thurman. Wonderful stuff.

Then when Daughter's inquisitiveness get the batter of her she joins us too. Briefly. Until she gets chucked out when John Malkovich sets about talking Uma out of her virginity.

The film ends and L agrees it's a good film. Then just as I'm about to do a Malcovich and perhaps "teach her some Latin", Daughter reappears. The girl has immaculate timing.

In the end we let the kids stay up until midnight to see in Christmas Day and then I proceed in trying to 'romance' L into a post midnight watershed shag.

It's difficult to tell for sure but I reckon around 41 units for the week, oh dear.