Tuesday, December 26, 2006

In The Hands Of My Masseur

Tempted to break my abstinence but L won't hear of it. Sex is officially prohibited until tonight. Hope she can cope with what she might unleash.

We get up and drive the kids over to their father's and then head to the Furnace for the Boxing Day run, that they hold there. Doggo is going to be allowed to run in this one, attached to me and boy is he excited. He loves a good running race but he is rarely allowed to compete himself, so today is a big Christmas treat for him.

We line up at the back of the field so that Doggo doesn't leg any runners down and cause a pile up. I have to physically hold him back, he is so hyped up. With hindsight simply being at the back wasn't enough, we needed to be in the next street.

Eventually I let him start and we rocket off the start line, I think we pass 50 people within the first 20 metres. We get the usual comments that I am cheating, being dog assisted and for the first two miles it is true, Doggo hardly stops to breathe. This is probably because he can't breathe, he is pulling that hard he practically choking himself. I have to hold him back for fear that he'll wear me out. When finally he starts to wane he tries to have a sneaky rest by peeing up a litter bin but I'm having none of that. The course is three miles and as we approach the finish we are still passing other runners and moving up the field. As we approach the line, Doggo decides he needs a drink from one of the puddles, or is he just trying to grab a few seconds rest. No way. The line is in sight and someone is stood there waving a box of chocolate liquors in the air, presumably a spot prize. Just as the chocolates come into touching range they are snatched away by the chap in front of us. We finish 46th the spot prize goes to 45th, now if Doggo hadn't tried to stop for that drink they'd have been ours. The chap who is now clutching the chocolates turns to us and says how relived he was that we didn't pass him, he heard us panting behind him (hopefully that was Doggo and not me) and half expected us to come past. He doesn't offer us a chocolate. Happy Christmas mate.

L comes in a 100 or so places behind us, raving about the view (as usual) and how many dogs she's seen on the course. Both me and Doggo shrug. Dogs? What dogs? View? What view?

After lots of hugging and kissing by strange women I don't know. Christmas does odd things to people. It's not something that I would usually complain about but my legs feel like jelly and I just want to sit down. At least Doggo looks worse than me.

I take L home and then go watch Derby play Wolves. The two teams provide better entertainment, an end-to-end match, than we've seen for a while, it's almost not boring. However, I suppose the teams performance isn't as good (or rather as clinical) as usual and we lose 2-0.

Get a text from L offering hot oils for my aching thighs. Wa-Hey. Thought I was supposed to be seducing her tonight. Eat your heart out John Malkovich (see Xmas Eve).

Rush my parents round to my Brothers and briefly pop in to say hi. Then off home to seduce L.

Have promised L romance, so I crank up the heating (far too hot), move the table into the lounge, and light the candles. I do a simple Mexican chilli sort of thing but with rib eye steak cut into chunks and char grilled on a kebab. I serve it with tortillas, rice and salsa. It seems to go down rather well, as do the several glasses of wine I ply her with. All the time Doggo keeps a worried eye on proceeds from his favourite corner of the lounge, not really trusting the darkened room and the candlelight.

All in all the seduction seems to work as L changes into her masseur's outfit of vest and knickers. She fetches the massage oils and selects the criminally underused 'time for passion'. Then my thighs and calves get a good pasting, easing away the aches and the stiffness from the morning run. However the undoubted skills of my masseur just seem to drive the problem elsewhere and she eventually has to turn her attention to another area that is eagerly clamouring to be taken notice of. I must say that it is an honour and a pleasure to be in the hands of such a talented and gorgeous masseur. So much so that I feel that I have little option than to thank her in the traditional way and take advantage of her under the Xmas Tree lights.

Seduction complete, I take my girl and an advocaat to bed.

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