'New' Girlfriend

Wake up and we have the planned lie in. L is wearing the vest and knickers she went to bed in. As I said yesterday this is tempting fate; a red rag to a bull. It's great when a girl wears something sexy to bed; just as long as it there to be removed!

The cricket is just too horrible to mention.

I take Doggo on the park and then we do a meat shop from our local farm shop. After which I go see another workmanlike but dull Derby victory, 1-0 over Crystal Palace. Lupoli the talented young Italian we have on loan from Arsenal bamboozles the Palace defence, sets up the goal but then, job done, gets taken off as we sit on the 1-0 lead. Am I the only one who doesn't like these dull, flair less victories. Winning ugly they call it. Most of the crowd seem to be asleep in the second half.

The most exciting thing that happens after we have scored the winner is when L's texts me. She says its mission accomplished off, that's code for - she's finally got a push-up bra. Hurrah! The really really stunning news is that it's a 38D. Wow! I have a new women in my life, the 36C girl who I woke up with this morning is history, sorry love, consider yourself dumped, I have moved on to bigger and better things.

Unfortunately when I get home we are too pushed for time for me to get properly acquainted with my new fuller chested girl, as we are due round at the house of some friends that evening for Chilli and wine.

Just as we are leaving I get an emergency text for drill bits and cumin. I'm loathed to lend him anything, I'll probably not see the drill bits again, last time I lent him anything it took me 10 years to get it back and then it was damaged. He claims he's a reformed character.

We meet Son at the bus stop, but we weren't supposed to, he should have been on the bus an hour earlier. Being a teenager, naturally he didn't come out in a coat, despite the fact that it's a mere 3 degrees Celsius. He is that frozen we practically have to chip the ice off him. L puts him on the next bus to Derby, even though it'll take an hour, just to get him in the warm.

We get to our friend's place, the Leeds supporter. He had offered to put on a film on his big screen for us but as he hasn't got a copy of ‘Leeds United the Season so Far’ ha ha I decline.

Luckily he has no home brew on at the moment. L is relieved; she reckons that the only time she gets a hangover is when she’s been on his home brewed beer. I also forget that they don't drink red wine, so it's a good job that we've brought a bottle of our own. Unfortunately as it's only one bottle, my plan to stay on red wine all night falls apart, instead I mix red with white and two bottles of Pelforth. The chilli is excellent.

We catch a late bus home and I take a 38 inch chest to bed for the first time. Unfortunately we are slightly inebriated, tired, and full of chilli, so frustratingly I have still not totally got to grips with my new women.